Thursday, August 26, 2010

Geek Movies Coming Up July-Dec.2011 And Why They'll Fail

Transformers 3
Release Date: July 1, 2011 (3D/2D theaters)
Studio: DreamWorks Pictures (Paramount)
Fail: It will actually not fail in theaters but prove that society as failed morally. The first film was amusing enough(if not compared to the 80s classic) but the second film was such a travesty that my brother didn't realize the theater screwed up and forgot a reel of the film mid movie. It was a mass of big things blowing up. God, help us all.

Will I See It? Not after the mess that was Revenge of the Fallen.

Cowboys & Aliens
Release Date: July 29, 2011
Studio: DreamWorks Pictures
Fail: Some comic barely anyone heard of is getting a movie with James Bond, Indian Jones, and that one hot chick. And directed by the director of Iron Man. A winner? Eh... on the off chance that Captain America sucks while Harry Potter and the Winnie the Pooh films have a hard time holding onto any top 10 spots, sure. It might be a winner. Also, Faverau, not a bad director but not necessarily a good one. We'll say solid and by the books.

Will I See It? Meh.

The Smurfs
Release Date: August 3, 2011
Studio: Columbia Pictures (Sony)
Fail: Its the fuckin' Smurfs. Really? If there's no bleed over from July coupled with the few family films set up so far maybe it'll make cash. But really... the Smurfs?

Will I See It? They're coming to the big city. Smurfs in NYC. Someone fire somebody...

September-November nothing too geeky, except maybe Fright Night. But here comes December.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked
Release Date: December 16, 2011
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Mission: Impossible IV
Release Date: December 16, 2011
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Sherlock Holmes 2
Release Date: December 16, 2011
Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures

Three Fails?: Expect at least one of these movies to be moved. Because its three fucking franchise films. if they drop in one day that would be stupid.
Noomi Rapace was offered role in both Holmes 2 and Mission Impossible 4. I wonder if they gave her a deadline because they need to move onto scheduling the actual film making.
But really, shouldn't Alvins movie fail for the best of mankind? And while I like Brad Bird, directing Mission Impossible 4? Really... Dude. Incredibles 2. What the fuck? Get on dat shit.
Sherlock Holmes was actually really fun. So Hollywood science is banking on the equal blowing.

Will i Be Seeing Any? Holmes 2, sure. Impossible 4? Maybe. Alvin? not on your life.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Release Date: December 21, 2011
Studio: Columbia Pictures (Sony)
Fail: The American film based on the swedish trilogy that's already spawned a hugely successful swedish trilogy of movies. By a director whose hit and miss. Seven, okay. Fight Club, fun if you suspend any logic. Panic Room, no thanks. Zodiac, I heard good things. Benjamin Button, boring. Facebook movie, don't really care. And poor Roony Mara. You did little in the crappy Nightmare reboot(though we could blame writers and director) and if Roomi Rapace gets an Oscar nod, then you're pretty fucking screwed.

Will Hollywood mess this up? Probably.

Will I See It? yes. Most likely. Then compare and contrast the two films and the books.

The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn
Release Date: December 23, 2011
Studio: Paramount Pictures, Sony Pictures
Fail: the first of a planned Trilogy of the famed European character that NO ONE IN THE UNITED STATES HAS EVER HEARD OF! Not really but ask someone my age who Tin Tin is they'll think you're referring to that one adorable dog. This is a big money film Spielberg's been working on for years. Its all going down the drain.

Will I See It? No.

The Muppets
Release Date: December 25, 2011
Studio: Walt Disney Pictures
fail: I love the Muppets. And people think I'm weird. That should tell you something right now.

Will I See It? Yes. Yes I will.

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